Seeking the Truth

First let’s see what Augustine has to say. He lived in Roman North Africa during the 4th century and still is one of the most read theologians and philosophers. I haven’t read his works in full, in fact I have only read an introduction (see the list on the upper left) but even with my rather restricted knowledge I can tell he is one of the most intelligent and inspired men to ever have walked the Earth. I like most his scientific mind and logical approach to a problem.

So here is what I found out. He says that God is with everyone seeking truth and that while our minds may not be able to grasp that truth, the simple fact that God is there right beside us while we are seeking suffices for our happiness. Reading between the lines; I understand that as long as we are earnestly and honestly trying God is there to support us and help us along. This, of course, implies that God is in fact interested and wants to help us if only we were able to understand him. It makes sense to me. We cannot possibly grasp how God thinks or who he is so as long as we try he supports us. And, Augustine says, he communicates with us through prayer but not prayer as many people understand it. So simple petitions probably don’t make much of an impact, true prayer is when we are able to conform our will to his. In other words; God is there for us to help us “see reason” whenever we are not working towards his will.

All of this points to a loving God who is well aware of the shortcomings of his creation but seeks to help the best we let him.

Is God interested in me?

Something I have been struggling with a lot is the concept of a God actually interested in us mere humans. So I am dedicating the following week to this very important topic. Everything else follows from this because a God who is just observing and not interfering or loving would never have sent his son to us, never mind coming back from the dead or any of the other miracles described in the bible.
So what do I believe? It's all very confusing in my mind because one the one hand I cannot imagine that someone might be interested in every human there is but on the other hand I have had that conviction before and I wish very much that it was true.
Why God probably doesn't care: Well, the universe is pretty large. There are an unknown but unimaginably large number of galaxies, stars, planets and who knows what else out there and we are just one species of an equally unknown number on one measly little planet. So are we really that important to God? Does he really love us individually, care for us as a father would or isn't he more of an interested observer, possibly laughing at our foibles?
Why he probably does: God is not someone we could possibly understand. His nature is so different from anything we know that it is very much possible for him to love every living creature equally and still be able to be interested in our everyday problems. He created us; he understands us much better than we ever could. Also, and I say this after being very sceptic about it in hindsight, I actually felt loved by God for most of my life. I use to be absolutely secure in his love and care and it was great comfort to me. I once experienced the Holy Spirit and it made me feel very safe.
And yet I doubt. and the thing is, I know exactly why I am doubting. I am a quite reasonable creature and after studying the abundance of life on our planet I really can't argue that the human species is any more or less special than any other species on the planet. And if my species is not special, why would I be?

Starting off

I am a scientist at heart, which means I like structure and working with a method. I will tell your about the books I have read and what struck me when reading the Bible as well as anything I learned from attending services and from discussions with others. But this post is about the starting point; what do I believe in right now, what are my main questions about Christianity, what do I struggle with and so on.
What I know: I know there is a God. I have never doubted the existence of a higher entity, who was the beginning and who now watches the universe. This entity is all powerful and encompasses everything. I know Jesus existed; I remember reading a Roman document about His crucification in RE at one point but I never doubted that He existed, simply because of the impact His life and teachings had on the world. I agree with His teachings. He was inspired. They make sense. They are so simple and yet apply to everything: Love and honour God. Love your neighbour as you love yourself. (I'm paraphrasing. He said it nicer.) Can it get any simpler? It's brilliant. Also, I believe that he died for His beliefs and because of narrow-minded, power-hungry people. I have felt the Holy Spirit at certain times in my life but only when I was ready for it.
What I struggle with: God created the universe, yes, but who is to say, he actually cares about us like a father? Does he really listen to my prayers, when I am so unimportant in the big picture? Sometimes I can feel His love and I know that God is great and I cannot understand the extend of His love. But there are times when I doubt, when I know that I am no more important than anyone else.
Was Jesus really God's son? He most certainly was inspired by God but actually His son, that I find difficult to believe. It goes with the question whether God loves us personally; if he does, I can believe that He sent His son to die for us, but if he is distant, he probably didn't. Did Jesus really die and come back to life? Over the years I have meandered through different ideas about how it might have come about; all to avoid the big challenge of accepting the amazing miracle if he really was raised from the dead. There is something within me that does not want to believe it because it is just so irrational. So, definitely something I need to work on.
Does the Bible tell the literal truth? Let me tell you from the start that I know evolution to be a fact and that I am in no doubt about it. I read Genesis more as a poem about God's greatness explained to someone living a few thousand years ago. If I accept that though, what else is open to interpretation? Is the big flood a fact or a metaphor? Did Moses really divide the sea? Did Jesus really heal people by laying his hand on them? I will need to work through the bible and make sense of all the miraculous events described in it. As a scientist I know that will take it with a pinch of salt but does that make me less of a Christian? I need to find out.
What are your thoughts on this?